THE JOYS OF FANTASY
SCENE 1: POWERPOINT PRESENTATION
CLAIRE
Hello. Hello. Thank you for coming. Hello.
Pause.
This is where the audience sometimes says hello.
CAROLINE
Sometimes they even clap.
CLAIRE
Don’t worry. You don’t have to do that now. My name is (say your name.) Welcome to (say name of theater.) We’ve been working on this play together for only about one month but I promise you that there will be very little improvisation. (Pause.) We’ll do our best.
The play is called ‘The Joys of Fantasy.’ It was written by Mitchell Polin; produced and directed by The Ordinary Theater. The name of the town is-
SUSIE
New York City.
CLAIRE
The name of the town is New York City. New York City is located just above Hoboken and the great state of New Jersey; latitude 40 degrees, 74 minutes. Longitude 73 degrees, 99 minutes. The first act shows a day in our town, New York fuckin’ City. The date is (whatever the date of the performance.) It looks beautiful. Well, I’d better show you how New York City is situated. Just behind the theater, where you came in is 21st Street. To the right, my right is 5th Avenue and to my left is a few more avenues and then the Hudson River. And here, in theater, is the house where our adventure begins-
She picks up a model ladder and places it on the stage.
SUSIE
And ends.
CLAIRE
Pause.
Remember…no Matter what they tell you…that life happens without applause.
SUSIE
Everything happening now has already happened before.
SUSIE
I think we should all try to smile more. You know. To exercise our facial muscles.
CAROLINE
I’m tired.
SUSIE
Well that was only for a few seconds.
CAROLINE
How long should I try for?
SUSIE
For the rest of your life.
CAROLINE
How long will that be?
SUSIE
I don’t know.
CAROLINE
Doesn’t that terrify you?
Silence.
CAROLINE
Not knowing.
SUSIE
No.
CAROLINE
It terrifies me.
SUSIE
Just smile.
CAROLINE
Fuck you.
SUSIE
That’s okay. We’ll try again later.
CAROLINE
Thanks.
MICHAEL
That was weird. I’m going to tell it like it is.
In April 2009 an actor Michael Cross Burke was murdered in his New York City home. He was stabbed once in the chest, and he died. Two months later a play was presented. In this play an actor named Michael Burke was contracted to play the actor Michael Burke in a performance of his own death.
CLAIRE
Do you have any secrets? Anything you want to say?
MICHAEL
Like what?
CLAIRE
I don’t know. That’s why they call it a secret.
MICHAEL
Every little thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female. Two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.
Quizzical Pause.
CLAIRE
Anything else?
MICHAEL
No. I only tell the truth. (Pause.) I’m sorry if I disappointed you.
CLAIRE
I’m not. How about you?
CAROLINE
I wish I were three. I was really cute when I was three. Last night at dinner, my father asked us what we were going to do with the rest of our lives. I’m going to kill myself when I turn thirty-two.
SUSIE
That is so fucking awesome.
CAROLINE
Okay
Sees DEAD BODY.
Who’s that?
Points at body lying on the ground.
SUSIE
That’s Teri.
CLAIRE
I thought you might know her.
CAROLINE
Do you?
MICHAEL
Do I what?
CAROLINE
Do you know her?
MICHAEL
It’s very literary…isn’t it.
CLAIRE
Huh?
MICHAEL
It’s a literary thing. A metaphor, or a symbol.
CAROLINE
That’s not a symbol. It’s a body.
SUSIE
She’s a body.
CAROLINE
What’s she doing here?
MICHAEL
I put her there.
CLAIRE
Hmm. Why?
MICHAEL
Yea, well – this is really her story and, besides, I missed her. (Pause.) I’m going to tell it like it is.
In April 2009 an actress Teri Incampo was found dead in her New York City apartment. She had murdered another actor in a fit of rage. She stabbed the actor, Michael Burke, once in the chest, and irony of ironies she died. There were gossip features in the Daily News for weeks. Two months later a play was presented. In this play an actress named Teri Incampo was contracted to play the actress murderer Teri Incampo in a performance of her own death.